


But Doctor, I Am Pagliacci

by DontKillBugs



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crystal Gem Spinel, Gaslighting, Gem War, Gen, Morally Grey Rose Quartz, Original Character(s), Past Abuse, Physical Abuse, Platonic Cuddling, Polyamorous Feels, Rose sucks at long-term planning, Spinel is a huge touchstarved cuddlebug, Verbal Abuse, Yet Another Crystal Gem Spinel fic, things get worse before they get better
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:20:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22354750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontKillBugs/pseuds/DontKillBugs
Summary: After leaving her alone in the Garden for 500 years, Pink Diamond returns to retrieve Spinel and take her to Earth... right smack in the middle of a thousand-year-long war for Earth's independence.Rose and Pearl, in the midst of a Rebellion rapidly losing hope, try to find a way to bring Spinel over to the Rebel's side without breaking the masquerade. Things... go poorly.An analysis on the effects of Spinel being part of the Rebellion, and the aftereffects resulting from it. Primarily focuses on the Gem War, eventually transitioning into modern day.
Relationships: Pearl & Spinel (Steven Universe), Pink Diamond & Spinel (Steven Universe), Rose Quartz & Spinel (Steven Universe)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 94





	1. Two Lies

**_Earth_  
Approximately 5,500 years before the birth of Steven Quartz Universe  
Year 14 of the Gem War for Earth  
Pink Diamond’s Palanquin**

Pearl’s mouth was agape. “And… and you just… left her there?!”

Rose raised her hands placatingly. “Look, I know it sounds worse than it is. But I…” Rose paused. “ _Pink Diamond_ had outgrown her. Blue and Yellow basically made a walking noisemaker to keep me distracted.” She muttered, irritably.

Pearl took a moment to regather her emotions, before speaking again. “Rose… I understand that, but it doesn’t change the fact that _you have left a Gem alone in the depths of space for 500 years now!”_

Rose took a step back, looking more and more unsure by the second. “I… she wouldn’t have just stayed there, there’s a working Warp Pad, you can see it from every part of the garden! She must have left by now!”

_Or she would have, if you hadn’t ordered her to stay,_ a poisonous voice whispered in Rose’s head.

“A-and besides, Spinel is too immature to take to this colony! All she does is bounce around and try to play games and get in the way, and-“

Pearl reached out and grabbed Rose’s hand. “Rose. May I be shattered for saying this, but…” she looked into Rose’s eyes, her own eyes wide and hurt. “Do you realize who you sound like right now?”

The silence was damning.

Rose turned, staring at the Warp Pad behind her throne. She took a slow, tentative step toward it, before breaking into a sprint, vanishing in a flash the instant her foot touched the Warp Pad, beaming across light years through space, feeling her form shift from that of Rose Quartz to Pink Diamond, knowing the most rudimentary lesson of Shapeshifting was to never, ever do it while Warping, and _not caring-_

With a flash and a chime, Pink Diamond spilled out of the Warp Pad, landing off-balance on one foot.

_Please don’t be here please don’t be here please don’t be-_

A soft, almost musical gasp filled Pink Diamond’s ears, and the entire universe disappeared.

_Oh stars._

_Oh stars no._

Slowly, Pink Diamond raised her gaze.

Before her, the garden sat, overgrown and wild. The flowers bloomed enormously; the grass having spread out of control.

And in the center, her hands clasped at her front, right where Pink had left her: Spinel. The one and only of her kind. Left alone for half a millennium. Now staring at Pink, her eyes wide, unbelieving.

“P…Pinky?”

Pink Diamond froze in place. What could she do? What could she say that would make this right?

Nothing.

She knew there was nothing.

Pink stood there, across from Spinel, neither of them daring to move. An eternity and a minute passed.

Pink took a slow step forward. Then another. Her eyes slipped down to Spinel’s feet, and _Oh Stars, there are vines, there are vines growing over her feet, what did I do, what did I do-_

Spinel began to stammer, her eyes slowly filling with tears. “I… I stayed right here, just like ya asked, Pinky. I didn’t move at all! Did I do it right? Did I-“

Pink fell to her knees, her arms wrapped tightly around Spinel. She buried her face in Spinel’s neck, so small compared to her.

“Yes. You did it. You’re so perfect. You won. I’m so proud of you.”

A tearful inhale as a smile spread across Spinel’s face. “I… I won. I knew it… I knew you’d come back for me, Pinky.”

That was a lie.

The thought that Spinel had repressed for five centuries, the thought that she knew to be true, bubbled up in her mind.

_You forgot about me._

She shoved it as far down as she could.

“Does… does this mean I can come to your colony now?”

Pink nodded, her eyes tightly clenched to hide her own guilty tears. “Of course, Spinel. I’ll show you everything. You can meet Pearl. You never have to see this garden again.”

Spinel nodded, her eyes wet and glistening. With an almost audible creak, she unclenched her hands from each other, slowly wrapping her arms around Pink. “I’d like that, Pinky. I’d like that a lot.”

Pink rose, not letting go of Spinel, lifting her effortlessly. She held the Gem Jester in her arms, as she ascended the stairs to the Warp Pad. In a flash, the two were gone.

In Pink’s arms, clutching her shoulder pads tightly, Spinel’s eyes widened. She had never been off her Garden rock before, much less warped anywhere. Stars and nebulas zoomed past as she held tight to her best friend and Diamond.

The lights faded as Pink materialized back in her Palanquin. With a small gasp, Pearl snapped into the Diamond salute, back in Loyal Pearl mode. “My Diamond! Welcome back!”

Pink shook her head. “At ease, Pearl. It’s okay.” Pink looked upward, and with a flex of her will, she felt her Palanquin begin to rise, heading back for the Diamond Moon Base.

Pink knelt downward, onto her knees. “Pearl, I’d like you to meet my best friend, Spinel. Spinel, this is my lovely Pearl.”

Eyes still wide, still held in Pink’s arms, Spinel extended a hand. “H… hiya.”

Pearl, playing the part, performed an extravagant curtsy. “It is an honor to meet someone so close to My Diamond.”

Pink smiled. “I’m sure you two are gonna get along great!”

Spinel looked up at her Diamond. “Pinky? When we get to… wherever we’re goin’… can we play?”

Pink stared with enormous eyes, before a smile slid onto her face. “Of course, Spinel. We can play anything you want.”

Spinel gasped happily. “Ooh! Ooh! Maybe we can play Tag! Or Hide n’ Seek! Actually, no, let’s, let’s not do that one.”

Pink laughed, a genuine laugh that made the edges of Pearl’s mouth perk upward in surprise and delight. She had never heard her Diamond laugh like this!

Pink turned to Pearl. “And you can join us too, Pearl!”

Pearl blushed heavily. “Me?! I-I could never! I wouldn’t dream of-“

“You can and you will,” Pink smirked. “I insist.”

Barely realizing she was doing it, Pearl nodded, her mental processes shifting. “Of course, My Diamond.”

There was a rumble as the doors to the Moon Base opened, and the pressure zoomed out. The Palanquin landed gently on the ground floor lobby bay.

Rising to her feet, Pink gently placed Spinel on the ground, keeping her hand held in her own. “Spinel, I can play with you all night tonight, but tomorrow, I’ll have to see to some…” she shared a glance with Pearl. “…Diamond business planetside. You’ll have to stay here until I get back.”

Spinel felt her shoulders begin to tense up. Pink, noticing this, was quick to placate her. “But I promise I’ll be back. You’re here with us now, and you’ll never have to leave me again.”

In time, that would also prove to be a lie.

~/~/~


	2. A Cavalcade of Anger and Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter contains a scene of severe verbal and physical abuse, and gaslighting in a later scene. Please exercise caution and judgement before reading if these topics upset you.

**_Earth’s Moon  
Approximately 5,400 years before the birth of Steven Universe  
Year 122 of the Gem War for Earth  
The Diamond Moon Base_ **

“Okay, okay… do Yellow next!”

Spinel’s grinning face flashed into an overly dramatic, overly strained face of anger. Fists clenched at her sides, she stretched her neck out to a stiff twelve feet, swinging her head like a pendulum.

Affecting a voice strikingly similar to that of Yellow Diamond, Spinel pointed a finger and shook it in Pink’s direction. “PINK! THERE IS. A CERTAIN. _ORDER_. TO THINGS!”

Pink clapped her hands, laughing with delight. At her side, Pearl, ever the picture of decorum, hid her smile behind a hand.

Spinel continued to thunder. “DON’T YOU DARE LAUGH AT ME! I’M THE MOST UPTIGHT, BUREAUCRATIC STICK IN THE MUD IN THE GALAXY, I’M TOO GOOD FOR A LAUGH!”

Stretching her neck back to normal lengths, Spinel stretched out her hair buns to pigtails, and drooped them in front of her eyes. “Now, _Yellaw,_ you must be mooore understanding about this. I’m sure Pink knows what she’s duuuing. Granted, all I doooo is sit in my Palanquin all day and be mysterious, but I still feel entitled to feel disappointed half the time.”

As Pink cackled like a madgem, Spinel grinned behind her pigtails.

_Big Finish!_

Spinel stretched her legs to as high as she could stand within the Moon Base Planetary Viewing room, until the top of her head brushed the ceiling. She stretched her arms stiffly out to the sides, and made her eyes bug out of her head cartoonishly. “ _Starlight. Starlight. I’ve got an itch. Climb up here and scratch my nose.”_

Now outright shrieking with laughter, Pink staggered to her feet and gave a round of applause. “Bravo! Bravo, Spinel!”

With a grin and a flourish, Spinel shrank back down to her regular proportions, sweeping into a bow. “All in a day’s work, Pinky.”

Pearl gave a demure cough. “My Diamond, isn’t it time you checked on the…” she trailed off, staring at Pink expectantly.

Pink blinked. “OH! Yes! It is. I’ll go check. On the. The thing.” With a dramatic eyeroll and a wink to Spinel, Pink sauntered up the stairs to the control room.

As Pearl fell into a waiting pose, Spinel sidled up next to her. “I saw that smile.”

Pearl glanced the other way, not bothering to hide how the sides of her mouth perked up. “You saw no such thing.”

Spinel gave an enormous sigh. “Oh, lighten _up,_ Poel! If Pinky’s happy, then we’re both happy!”

“You know that’s not my name. Or hers, for that matter.”

“You’re smiling.”

Pearl’s smile grew. “I am and I hate it.”

A mischievous fire began to grow in Spinel’s eyes. “Yanno, it’s a good thing for those dumb Rebels that you ain’t down there fighting them with the Homeworld armies.”

Her smile shrinking, Pearl turned to face Spinel for the first time. “W-what? Why?”

Spinel grinned. “Those nasty Rebels wouldn’t stand a chance if you ever got mad enough to pull that stick outta yer-“

“ _Pearl._ ” Pink’s voiced interjected. Both Pearl and Spinel turned to face the stairs.

Pink stood there, wide eyed, her mouth thin and humourless. “Pearl. We’re… we’re needed planetside.”

Spinel slumped slightly. “Playtime’s over already, huh?”

Pink nodded apologetically. She placed a hand on Spinel’s shoulder, squeezing it gently. “We’ll be back. I promise.”

Spinel smiled, not without some bitterness. “Who’da thunk runnin’ a colony would be such a hands-on job, huh?”

With a wistful smile, Pink transferred her hand to Spinel’s. With a squeeze goodbye, she and Pearl headed for her Palanquin, parked a floor below.

Spinel climbed the stairs to the control room, and crossed to the window. She watched as Pink’s Palanquin left the moon base, and entered Earth’s atmosphere.

With a final sigh, Spinel settled in for yet another wait.

~/~/~

**_Earth  
The Crystal Gem Home Base, in what will eventually be known as Delmarva_ **

The mood in the Temple was comparable to that of a human funeral.

The push to take the northern sector of Facet 7 had been a resounding failure. Homeworld’s forces, led by General Zoetrope (Facet-4XY-Cut-7Q2), had, in no uncertain terms, mopped the floor with Garnet’s battalion. A tactical retreat had barely allowed the Fusion and a handful of other soldiers to escape by the skin of their teeth.

Rose wiped her eyes with her forearm, as the last few drops of this round of healing tears soaked into the heavily cracked Gem of Crazy Lace Agate, who lay on the floor, hands over her ruined, malfunctioning eyes, sobbing openly from the pain.

At Rose’s side, Pearl grimaced. “Another half inch, and she would have-“

Rose raised a hand. “I know.”

From behind her, the door to the Temple slid open. Bismuth’s familiar figure leaned in. “Rose? Do you have a minute?”

Rose sighed heavily, and turned to her blacksmith with a tired smile. “For you, Bismuth, I have two minutes.”

Rose and Pearl followed Bismuth outside, leaving Crazy Lace Agate to heal. As the Temple door closed behind them, Pearl surveyed the camp on the beach in front of the Temple grimly.

Gems milled around, some sitting around campfires. A cluster of Amethysts walked their rounds, patrolling the perimeter. A general air of doom and unease hung over the crowd. Beyond them, Earth’s ocean lapped gently at the shoreline.

Speaking low, Bismuth spoke. “We had some more deserters in the night.”

Pearl could almost hear Rose’s already heavy heart break a little more. “How many?”

“At least three. Two Nephrites, and that Topaz we rescued last week.”

Rose hugged herself around the middle, clutching her elbow. “I know the choice to stay or fight is what we’ve been fighting for, but I won’t lie and say I’m not disappointed.”

Bismuth nodded. “I know.” The blacksmith sighed, slumping down onto the Warp Pad behind her. “Every time I think the morale around here can’t get any lower, I find out that it came prepared to dig.”

Bismuth raised her gaze to meet Rose’s. “Rose, you know I’m behind you to the universe’s honest, actual end, but if we’re gonna get anywhere, we need a win. And we need it soon.”

Rose smiled wanly, reaching down to squeeze Bismuth’s mighty hand. “Thank you, Bismuth. I know we do. Just a little more time, that’s all I’m asking.”

Bismuth nodded. “Okay. I’ll spread the word.” She rose, like a mighty empire, and lumbered toward the encampment.

Rose glanced back toward the Temple door. “Pearl, come with me.” Her gem glowed, the door opening to her Holodeck.

Pearl followed Rose into the comfortably cloudy room. The door slid shut behind them, granting them privacy.

Rose slumped down as a bench materialized beneath her. “I don’t know what to do, Pearl.”

Pearl sat down on the bench next to Rose, her side pressed up against her leader in a fashion she never would have allowed herself to do a mere few hundred years ago.

Rose wrapped an arm around Pearl, holding her close. “Blue and Yellow are showing no sign of backing down. We’re at the end of our ropes here.”

Pearl chuckled ruefully. “Could you imagine starting a rebellion would be so difficult?”

Rose sniffed a small laugh at the old joke. “Part of me wishes we could have Spinel here too.”

“Have you given any more thought to telling her? Letting her in on the masquerade?”

Rose shook her head, her massive curls shifting gently. “Spinel wouldn’t understand. As far as she knows, Rose is just the big meanie trying to take down her Diamond. If I let her in on the secret, she’d probably just think it was a game. Even if she believed me, can you really see Spinel keeping a secret?”

Pearl sighed, conceding the point. “One way or another, it’s going to break her heart once this whole thing ends.”

Rose suddenly sat up straight. Pearl looked up at her leader’s eyes. They were wide, as if something had just clicked in her head.

Rose looked down at Pearl. “I… I may have an idea. On how to get Spinel out of that situation, and into this one.” Rose took a deep breath. “And you’re not going to like it.”

Pearl placed a hand on Rose’s back. “I’ve followed you this far, haven’t I?”

Rose shook her head. “That’s very kind of you, but… what I have in mind… it’s horrible. Cruel, even.”

Pearl’s eyes widened as she realized what her leader was proposing. “I… Stars…”

Rose nodded. “I know. I don’t like it either.”

Her eyes downcast, Pearl whispered “Do we have a choice?”

Rose shook her head.

After a long, long pause, Pearl raised her head to look Rose in the eyes.

“Then I’m in.”

~/~/~

The control panel hummed gently behind Spinel. She stared out the enormous dome, into the cold, harsh vacuum of space.

It had been three days since Pinky had left. Spinel hadn’t moved a muscle, hadn’t strayed her gaze from the big blue planet before her. For hours, days, sometimes weeks, she’d stand and wait for the familiar sight of Pinky’s Palanquin, rising from the atmosphere. Sometimes she’d see a Homeworld dropship leaving the planet and get excited for a second, before coming back down and having to wait again.

Pinky had asked her once what Spinel did in the Moon Base while she was gone. Spinel had answered, in a comedically sad voice, “ _Wait for you to come back.”_ Pinky had laughed, and the subject hadn’t been brought up again.

 _She_ would _find that funny, wouldn’t she,_ the poisonous voice in Spinel’s head whispered.

She pushed that thought down beneath the surface, and waited for it to drown.

Sure, those 500 years standing alone in the garden had been soul-crushingly lonely, and she wouldn’t wish it on her worst enemy. But Pinky had told her to do it, and Pinky couldn’t be wrong, so it was okay if it happened to Spinel. No need to bother her or Pearl with it.

Spinel was fine with her sadness being the cause for someone’s laughter. Better than her laughter causing someone’s sadness.

Spinel’s reverie was suddenly interrupted by the familiar sight of a pink splotch rising from the planet.

_Pinky! She’s back!_

Spinel began to hop from one foot to the other in excitement, her shoes squeaking beneath her. She was back! She was back and playtime could begin again! She bounded down the stairs two by two, impossibly eager to see her favorite Gem again.

Inside the Palanquin, Pink clutched the edge of her skirt tightly in her lap, her eyes downcast and dark.

Now that the moment was here, her gem was filled with dread.

_It’s for the best. It’s for the best. It’ll hurt for a moment, and then it’ll be over and we can begin again, like it never happened. Sooner begun, sooner done. It’s for the best._

From outside, she heard Spinel’s footsteps rapidly approaching. “Pink! Pinky! You’re back!!”

_Break her heart. Do it to save her. Break her heart to save her. Drive her away, and Pearl will take care of the rest._

Spinel flung the curtains to the Palanquin open, as she had done a thousand times before for the past hundred years.

She froze.

Pink sat there, slumped on her throne, her hands clenching the armrests. Her eyes couldn’t be seen behind her hair.

Spinel had seen her like this before. Only a few times. Hundreds of years ago, before Pinky had her colony.

On the days the Diamonds had been particularly cruel with their denials for her own colony, Pinky would go to a dark place.

_Visions of a Pearl, of Pinky’s First Pearl, whom she had adored and customized so extensively, smiling at Spinel’s antics. Pinky’s First Pearl, who had vanished one day, one dark day, when Pinky came to the garden alone, and Spinel had joked and japed her Gem out until Pinky had cheered up. Pinky’s First Pearl, who never came to the garden again, who Pinky never even mentioned again, even when Spinel had asked where she had been all this time-_

Spinel forced the memories down, and planted a smile on her face. She had her work cut out for her today.

“Aw, Pinky. I know that look. Rough day?”

No response. Pink’s eyes remained downcast.

“Pinky? Y’ello? Anyone home?” Spinel stretched her face, her jaw almost reaching the floor. “C’mawwwn, Pinky! Why the _looooong_ face?”

Pink slowly raised her eyes to look at Spinel. Her eyes where dark, like a raging cosmic storm. With a voice as soft as thunder, Pink spoke.

“I bet you think this is all just. So. Funny.”

Spinel froze. Her face slowwwwwly withdrew back upward.

She had never seen Pinky like this.

Never.

“Uhhhh… I… what’s funny?”

Pink suddenly shot to her feet. Spinel stumbled backwards in surprise.

“THIS! All of this! Yellow and Blue give me a colony, after I beg and whine for centuries, and now its falling apart around my Gem. I promise I can handle it, and one Rose Quartz is trying to make me look like a fool!”

Pink slowly stalked out of the Palanquin, toward Spinel, who lay frozen in fear.

Pink snarled. “It’s just. So. _Funny,_ isn’t it. Dumb little Pink Diamond, why doesn’t she just know her place.”

Spinel began to stammer. “P…Pinky, no… you know I-I’d never think that about you-“

“ ** _LIAR!”_** Pink roared, the walls of the Moon Base shaking. A crater formed in the floor around her, Spinel scrambling backward. She felt her back against the wall, dust falling from Pink’s mural above her.

_what did I do what did I do what did I do_

Pink was staring at her own hands as she ranted, not even looking at Spinel. “I bet you laugh about it with them! Every day! You’re the distraction they made for me, after all! The shrieking, screeching little noisemaker so I wouldn’t press into their _valuable time!”_

Spinel felt like her Gem was cracking in half. Pink had never talked to her like this.

“Pinky, no! I’m not a noisemaker! I’m your friend! Just like Pearl-“

Pink’s voice became mocking, cruel and sharp. “Oh! Of course! Just like Pearl! You mean, just like the one they gave me because I _broke the first one?”_

Spinel froze. She couldn’t believe what she had heard. “Y… you what?”

Pink raised a fist, preparing to bring it down on Spinel. “The one I _broke!_ Because all of you just _Break! So! Easily!”_

Pink brought her fist down like an angry meteor. Spinel cowered in fear, her hands above her head.

Pink’s fist shattered the floor of the Moon Base, filling the air with dust and dirt.

Inside, Pink shuddered. _That was horrible… but it’s done. Thank the stars, it’s done. She’ll run to the Rebellion now, and can start over with me as Rose-_

Pink’s thoughts ground to a halt as the dust settled. Where Spinel should have been, shaking, ready to run in fear… there was just a Gem, heart-shaped, lying sadly on the floor.

_No_

_No not again_

_Not again_

Pink fell to her knees, grabbing for Spinel’s poofed Gem.

_What have I done_

_Please be okay_

She turned the Gem each way, inspecting every side and corner.

_No cracks._

_No parts missing._

_Thank the stars._

Pink’s momentary relief took a sudden, hard slam back to guilt. She sat on her haunches, holding her best friend’s Gem, weeping.

_I really am a monster._

_I do need to disappear._

_This whole planet doesn’t deserve this._

_Doesn’t deserve me._

She wanted more than anything to sit here and hold Spinel’s Gem until she regenerated, then apologize, beg her forgiveness-

_No._

_This is what we wanted._

_We have to work fast._

Pink Diamond rose to her feet, Spinel’s Gem clutched in her hands, and headed for her Palanquin.

~/~/~

Pearl watched as the Palanquin landed in front of her. They were deep in a forest, hundreds of miles from the Rebellion Camp, far from prying eyes.

As the doors to the Palanquin opened, Pearl smiled at Rose’s form as she exited. “Welcome back, Rose! How did-“ Pearl’s eyes widened as she noticed the pink bubble in Rose’s hands. Floating inside was a familiar heart-shaped Gem.

“Oh my stars!” Pearl reached forward, gently but firmly taking the Bubble from Rose’s grip. “What did you do?? You were supposed to drive her away, not _destabilize_ her!!”

Tears in her eyes, Rose nodded. “I didn’t mean to… it happened so fast…”

Pearl felt her resolve and anger crumbling, as it always did in the face of her leader’s remorse. Rose always meant so well, no matter how bad things got sometimes. She sighed and gave Rose a reassuring smile. “It’s okay. We can work with this.”

Rose placed her hands on the sides of the bubble, touching it to her forehead. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m so, so sorry…”

~/~/~

_She was weightless._

_Floating in an infinite nothing._

_Where was she?_

_Wait._

**_Who_ ** _was she?_

_The question slipped away. It didn’t seem to matter. Not here._

_She was light. Both weightless, and made of light._

_She could stay here forever. Weightless. Non-existent. It felt… nice._

_So relaxing._

_Something began to tug her along._

_She let it. Nothing bad could happen here._

_The light became more defined. She felt herself being sculpted, drawn, created-_

_A sudden rush of pain, fear, sadness-_

_NO NO DON’T MAKE ME GO BACK DON’T MAKE ME-_

Spinel suddenly popped back into existence, scrambling backward, gasping.

_Got to get away got to get away got to get away got to-_

“Spinel!” A familiar, warm voice cut through the panic.

Spinel froze. Slowly, she turned to the source of the voice.

At her left was Pearl. Smiling, her eyes wide with relief, prickled with tears. Pearl suddenly leaned forward, wrapping Spinel in a tight hug. “Thank goodness you’re okay!”

Spinel didn’t move. Didn’t dare. “P… Poel?”

Pearl nodded into Spinel’s shoulder. “Yes, you silly Pebble, it’s me.”

Slowly, Spinel’s arms slowly rose, inched their way around Pearl. Pearl had never hugged her before. Never.

_Wait_

Spinel shot backward. “Wait! Where’s Pinky! Where’s-“

“It’s alright. You’re safe now.”

Another voice, familiar yet soft, warm, loving. Spinel opened her eyes, which widened in shock as she looked past Pearl.

Behind Pearl, beautiful and elegant, was none other than Rose Quartz, leader of the Rebellion scourge. An enormous pile of long, pink curls spilled down from the top of her head, her plush body wrapped in a gorgeous white dress, her Gem shining at her midsection.

She was phantasmal and resplendent, far more beautiful than the Homeworld propaganda painted her as.

Behind Rose, Spinel could see an assortment of other Gems, on the Beach outside the cave, goggling at the new Gem in their presence. An enormous Bismuth, her rainbow hair in immaculate dreadlocks. A Peridot, her Gem placed smack in the middle of her face, right where her nose would be. A Spodumene, her Gem also at her midsection, with legs that stretched on for miles. And in front of all of them… a Gem that Spinel couldn’t even place. Tall, imposing, with an impossibly cubic afro in delightful pinks and blues, and perfectly toned muscles.

This was the Rebellion. She was right in the middle of Homeworld’s Public Enemies 1, 2, 3, and many, many more.

Spinel moved her focus back to Rose, who looked down at her with a sad sympathy in her eyes. “You… you’re Rose Quartz. You’re THE Rose Quartz.”

Rose nodded, a sad smile at her lips. “Not the one and only, but the one they talk about, yes. Are you alright?”

Spinel nodded, the panic slowly slipping away. “I… I think so. How… how did I get here?”

Rose nodded toward Pearl. “Pearl collected your Gem and brought it here. She’s quite talented.”

Spinel looked back to Pearl, who could almost see the calculus forming around Spinel’s noggin. Spinel’s eyes grew wide again as she took in Pearl’s new clothes. “Poel… _you’re_ the Renegade Pearl that Homeworld’s so scared of?!”

Pearl nodded, smiling. “I’m the best double-agent the Rebellion has.”

Spinel blinked in awe. “Wow… Dang, I’m sorry about the Stick joke now…”

“Oh, it’s quite alright,” Pearl laughed gently, waving her hand dismissively. “It just means I’m doing my job well.”

Spinel’s growing grin was smashed to a halt as the memories began to reassert themselves. “Wait, hold on.” She raised a single, trembling hand. “She said you… retrieved my Gem. Wh… where did you retrieve it from?”

Pearl’s eyes grew wide. “I-“

“From orbit. Orbit around the planet.” Rose’s voice cut in. Both Spinel and Pearl turned to face the Rebel leader.

Keeping steady eye contact with Pearl, Rose continued. “She saw what… what Pink Diamond did to you. Pink Diamond poofed you, and threw you out the Moon Base door. She…” Rose paused, seemed to steady herself. “…she threw you out, like so much trash.”

Pearl nodded, seeming to pick up the thread. “So while she was having her tantrum… I stole her Palanquin and retrieved you from space. She didn’t even notice I was gone. After she calmed down, I slipped away… and brought you here.”

Spinel didn’t move. She stared, blankly, seeming to stare past Pearl, past Rose, past all of them.

Eventually, she spoke again, a single sound.

“Oh.”


	3. My Broken House Behind Me

**_Earth_  
Approximately 5,400 years before the birth of Steven Universe  
Year 123 of the Gem War for Earth  
The Crystal Gem Home Base**

****

It seemed like the weather had been just constantly grey, drab, and dreary as of late. The sky was full of thick clouds, promising rain, yet not ready to commit just yet. The sea was choppy, loud waves crashing to the shore.

On the hill above the Rebel camp, Spinel sat at the peak, her legs tucked up in front of her, her hands clutching each other behind her knees. Her heart-shaped buns were disheveled.

Maybe it would rain soon. That would be an interesting change of pace. More than ever changed on the Garden, that’s for sure.

At least this unmoving exile was self-imposed. That softened the blow a bit, at least.

Behind her, Spinel heard loud, heavy footsteps tromping up the grassy hill toward her. She didn’t move, didn’t turn to face whoever was coming.

Finally, a familiar pair of boots came into view out of the corner of her eye. A warm, sympathetic voice spoke “Hi, Spinel.”

Not taking her eyes from the sea, Spinel responded, “Hiya, Bizzy.”

Bismuth chuckled. It was a nice sound. Not much made Spinel feel happy these days, but Bismuth’s laughs always came pretty darn close. “Mind if I sit?”

Spinel shrugged. “ ‘m not gonna stop ya.”

Bismuth sat down next to Spinel, facing out to sea with her. “You doing okay?”

“What was my answer the last time ya asked?”

“That’s fair.”

Silence hung between the two of them for a few moments, punctuated only by the tide below.

Finally, Spinel spoke up. “How’s Pearl?”

Bismuth nodded. “She’s doing okay. She’s worried about you. Misses you.”

“She comes up to check on me sometimes. I know she’s busy. Rebellion Double Agent ‘n all.”

“How’d everything go yesterday? Who came up to check on you?”

“Agua Nueva Agate. The purple one. She’s real sweet.”

Bismuth nodded again. “Good, good. She is a sweetheart.”

Spinel turned her head to face Bismuth, a rare motion these days. “I… it means a lot to me, you guys coming up to check on me. It’s good of ya.”

Bismuth placed a reassuring hand on Spinel’s shoulder, her mighty palm dwarfing the jester. “Well, you know Pearl told us what Pink did to you. Leaving you on that rock for so long… you didn’t deserve that.”

Spinel pressed her mouth into her knees. “It’s nice of you to say that.”

“I’m serious! Humans have stories of _divine punishment_ that end like that!”

“Yer gettin’ kinda loud.”

“Sorry.” A pause. Then, Bismuth spoke again. “You know you’ve been up here for about a year, now.”

“Yeah. Waiting alone in one spot. I do one thing, and I do it well.” Spinel chuckled bitterly.

“Spinel…”

Spinel sighed. “I know what you’re gonna say. And the answer is still no.”

Bismuth frowned. “Of course we’re not gonna force you, but I still think you’d be happier down there. You don’t even have to fight if you don’t want to.”

“Bismuth, look… you’re good people, you really are. And you don’t have to worry about me goin’ back to Pinky… to Pink Diamond. That ship has flown. But…” Spinel trailed off.

“You’re scared.” Bismuth finished, without a hint of judgement in her voice.

Not meeting her gaze, Spinel nodded. “Yeah-huh.”

Bismuth wrapped her arm around Spinel, holding her close. “Listen. I’m gonna tell you something I heard Rose say once. I know you’re hurting. I know how it feels, believe me. But one day… it’s gonna be better. Maybe not all right, but better.”

In spite of herself, Spinel found herself staring, transfixed, at the blacksmith.

Bismuth continued. “One day, you’re gonna find someone, or several someones, and you’ll think that it will never last. And then, one day, you’re gonna look up, you’re gonna see how far you’ve come, and you’re gonna wonder how you ever survived without those people.”

Spinel was quiet. “D… d’you really think so?”

Bismuth nodded, a kind smile across her lips. “I do.”

Spinel leaned against Bismuth’s side, relishing her strong arm around her. “You give really good hugs.”

Bismuth chuckled, hugging Spinel closer.

~/~/~

Time passed.

Afternoon turned to evening turned to night.

Spinel stared up at the starless sky, as thunder rumbled in the dark distance.

Below her, on the beach, a large bonfire burned in the middle of the encampment.

Bismuth. Agua Nueva Agate. Orange Spodumene. That Peridot with the nose gem. Rose.

Pearl.

All of them and more.

They had shown her so much care. Once a day, without fail, always coming up the hill to check on her and say hello.

And you know what? That was a whole lot more than Pinky. Ever. Did.

Above her, the sky cracked as the bottom finally fell out. Rain began to plummet down, a torrential downpour.

Staring up at the sky, Spinel found herself rising to her feet, almost unconsciously. Her legs made an audible and loud _creeeaaaak_ as she stood up for the first time in over a year.

Spinel let the rain wash over her, drenching her, not caring.

It felt… _good._

She felt tears prickling at the corners of her eyes, mixing with the raindrops.

And yet… she wasn’t sad.

She felt… _happy._

How about that?

She looked down at the Rebel camp, the bonfire smoldering under the downpour.

From somewhere unknown, deep within her, or perhaps from somewhere else, Spinel felt a song rise to her lips.

“ _Today… right here… right now… I’ll love again…”_

She smiled down at the encampment, waiting for her below.

“ _I’ve already found someone…”_

Her shoes squeaking in the rain, she began the long walk down the hill.

~/~/~

In the Temple’s holodeck, Rose glared down at the table before her. An elaborate plan of attack stretched over a map of Facet 16, with enemy placements marked.

Around the table stood Pearl, Garnet, Bismuth, Crazy Lace Agate, and Agua Nueva Agate, each listening intently.

Rose pointed out a miniature gathering of Homeworld troops. “Homeworld will likely advance from the North. Assuming General Hessonite is still present, she’ll likely lead the charge. She’ll want to bring some glory back to Yellow Diamond. Let’s make sure that she doesn’t, shall we?”

Agua Nueva rose a single purple hand. “What about air support?”

Pearl smiled. “Likely to be minimal. Fleet Commander Emerald is receiving a commendation from Blue Diamond tomorrow, so she’ll likely be escorted by her entire fleet. I’ve never seen a Gem so ostentatious.”

Bismuth chuckled heartily. “If we can pull this off while she’s pulled out the entire airborne fleet just to toot her own horn, Blue Diamond will yank that commendation back so quick, Emerald’s head will spin.”

The conversation was suddenly interrupted by a loud pounding on the outside of the Temple door, all the assembled Gems flinching in surprise.

With a wave of her hand, Rose motioned the door to open. A Rebellion Amethyst stumbled in, pointing back over her massive shoulder with a gigantic grin. “Guys! You gotta get out here and see this!”

Rose smiled indulgently. “Amethyst, we’re in the middle of planning right now-“

Bismuth, who had been looking outside, past the Amethyst, gasped softly. “Spinel.”

Outside, a familiar pink Gem stood at the mouth of the cave, sopping wet, the tiniest, barely hoping smile on her face.

Beyond her, the entire Rebel camp stood around her, in a half-circle, whispering amongst themselves.

After the smallest pause, Rose and Pearl both ran for the door, barely squeezing past each other as they exited. The others brought up the rear behind them.

Rose stopped short before her old best friend, scarcely believing her eyes. “Spinel…”

Spinel stood just beyond the Warp Pad, her hands at her sides. “I… I thought it over and… I think… I’d like to… stay here. If… if you’ll have me.”

Her eyes brimming with tears, Rose wrapped her arms around Spinel, holding her close. It was all the answer Spinel needed. She wrapped her arms around Rose, around and around, holding her tightly.

Pearl slid her arms in between the hug, adding herself to the mix.

As Spinel’s eyes began to prickle once more, she felt Bismuth’s mighty hand on her shoulder. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Agua Nueva, her sweet smile revealing the gap between her teeth, adding her own hand to the mass.

Orange Spodumene and a familiar Peridot fought their way through the crowd, grinning ear to ear, their own hands placed upon Rose’s shoulders.

More and more Gems, extending outward, placed their hands upon each other, radiating inward to Spinel, Pearl, and Rose in the center.

Spinel smiled, allowing the tears to fall freely.

_I’m home._


	4. Good Things Ahead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A series of vignettes as Spinel begins to settle in with her new family, and eventually comes to a decision.

**_Earth_  
Approximately 5,200 years before the birth of Steven Universe  
Year 368 of the Gem War for Earth  
The Crystal Gem Home Base**

Family.

It wasn’t a word Spinel was familiar with.

It wasn’t the sort of word Homeworld had a _need_ for.

Apparently, it was something the humans had come up with. Like so much of Earth, Rose had fallen in love with the idea.

The idea of fighting _for_ something boggled Spinel. When she sprang into existence, up in the… in Pink Diamond’s Garden, one of the few things she knew was, If Homeworld Says It, Diamond’s Will Be Done.

But this? Fighting _For_ Something? Because it was something worth fighting for? What a concept.

Perhaps that’s what led Spinel to bring it up one night. It was one of those rare occasions when one of the humans was staying at the camp. Sometimes one or more of them would wander through on their way one way or another. Spinel always liked those nights. It was nice to meet the humans. It was nice to talk with these little guys that Rose had gotten so attached to.

His name was Patrin. He travelled from human town to human town, in a big, rattling wagon pulled by the scariest Earth animal Spinel had ever seen, with great long legs and enormous teeth.

A horse, the ghastly thing was called. Remarkable, that such a fragile little human could tame such a mad beast.

As with so many visitors, Spinel had rolled out some of her best tricks. Juggling. Handstands. Juggling while in a handstand.

Patrin had clapped his hands and laughed, a rich, oaken sound that didn’t fit his short stature. Spinel had laughed along with him. It was good to laugh again. It felt good. There was so much laughter in her life now. Laughter from Pearl. Laughter from Bismuth. Laughter from the soldiers in the Rebel camp. Laughter from her own mouth, miracle of miracles.

As the night wore on, and Patrin began to doze off into that weird little human habit they called “sleep”, Spinel felt the question rise in her mind, the question she had been ruminating on for a few decades now.

“Hey, Patrin?”

From within his bedroll beside the fire, Patrin cracked open a single sleepy eyelid. “Yes, my friendly jester?” he quipped.

Spinel permitted herself a small smile, but pressed on with her question. “What’s a family?”

Now with both eyes open, Patrin gave Spinel a long, contemplative stare. “Ahhhhhh.” He hummed gently, thinking of his answer. He carefully sat up, his bedroll falling around him. “Tell me, what do you know about that word?”

Spinel blinked. “Uh. I know it’s a human word? Gems don’t really… _have_ that word in our language? I know it’s like, a gathering? A group of humans? Somethin’ like that?”

Patrin hummed. “You aren’t wrong.” He sighed, looking off into the distance. “A family… a family is a gathering of people you choose.”

Spinel cocked her head to the side. “Choose? Choose for what?”

Patrin smiled. “You choose them for… ever. You choose them, and you say “yes, these are the ones. These are the ones I want to see every day, forever”.”

Spinel blinked slowly, thinking about his words. “Every day… forever…”

~/~/~

Pearl’s smile was one of Spinel’s favorite sights.

Out of the entire camp, with all its Gems that came and went from outpost to outpost, Pearl was one of the handful of constants.

Pearl was the one Gem here Spinel had known the longest.

Pearl was the one whose natural footwork took Spinel’s breath away, and whose swordsmanship turned her into an elegantly moving force of nature.

Spinel followed her one day, up to the tree that Pearl would train under sometimes. A “cherry blossom”, Pearl had called it, surrounded by its light pink petals.

Spinel had watched as Pearl had gone through the motions of her exercises, her sword flickering to and fro in a slow, deadly dance. Her hair curled around her face, occasionally grunting a gentle sound of exertion as her sword stopped, barely a hair away from cutting into the tree.

As she finished, Spinel clapped wildly as Pearl swept into a bow. “Br-r-r-r-ravo! Br-r-r-r-ravo! You’re so amazing, Poel!”

Pearl blushed, her hand behind her neck. “Oh please, Spinel, my balance is nothing compared to yours,” and Spinel’s face had gone as pink as the rest of her.

She glanced down at Pearl’s bare arms, noticing her well-built biceps and muscles, so much more than

_Don’t do it._

_Don’t think about_

_Too late._

_Another Pearl, this one Pink from hair to toe, much less well-built, yet no less graceful, daintily pirouetting as a length of ribbon trailed behind her, itself its own performance, her ribbon flickering as Pinky laughed-_

“Spinel?!”

Spinel gasped, air rushing into her lungs as she came crashing back to reality.

Pearl stared at her, a look of concern on her face. “Are you alright? You went pale as a sheet for a moment there!”

“I-I-I-I…” Spinel paused, allowing herself to come back down. “I-I’m okay. I’m sorry, Pearl, I just…”

A gentle shush as Pearl slid Spinel’s hands into her own. “It’s okay. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

Spinel nodded, feeling Pearl’s strong hands in hers.

It wasn’t often that one Pearl led to thoughts of the other. They were too different, in personality and looks and strengths.

But Spinel couldn’t help but be reminded sometimes, of that unfairly familiar face, who was there one day and gone the next.

~/~/~

Rose Quartz had a beautiful, kind presence that made everyone feel safe, a presence that few could hope to match.

That said, Agua Nueva Agate took the challenge easily.

Agua Nueva was one of the few Gems Spinel could easily describe as… well, there was no way around it, _beautiful._

Short and stout, Agua Nueva clad herself in a dress almost certainly inspired by Rose’s, though hers was a more lacy black than clean white. Her skin was a deep, rich purple, with hair to match. Her skin traced with circles and swirls, so dark they were almost blue. It left her looking like one of her paintings, a passion she had picked up from humans.

Agua Nueva would spend hours, far away from the camp, her hands dipped in paint she had made from the materials she could find, painting intricate drawings on rocks or cave walls.

On one of these occasions, as Spinel maintained a flawlessly balanced handstand on a rock, Agua Nueva’s hands gently brushing away against a repurposed fragment of a crashed ship, Spinel had mustered the courage to ask the obvious question.

“How did you wind up with the Rebellion?”

Agua Nueva had given her a tired smile that didn’t quite reach her strangely melancholic eyes. “You mean, how does a Homeworld slave driver wind up fighting against her masters?”

Spinel shrugged, a difficult feat to do upside-down. “Not how I woulda put it, but yeah.”

Agua Nueva’s hand glowed, dispelling the black paint she had been using. From the bowls before her, each filled with a different color, she mixed some red with some white, making a familiar pink.

“I was like that once. The bad old days. I was the terror of my troops. It was what I was made for, so… can you blame me?”

Spinel shrugged. “It is what it is, I guess.”

Agua Nueva nodded, her eyes not leaving her work. Her fingers, slathered in pink, gently danced around her canvas. “Then, one day… I just couldn’t anymore. It became too much. All at once.” Her eyes slid to the side slowly, as if remembering

- _a Ruby, barely a day out of her Kindergarten, lying on the ground, shaking like a leaf, and she, her Terrifying Agate, standing over her, her arm above her head, the rage on her face plummeting into a pit in her stomach, her mace falling to the ground with a clatter, falling to her knees, tears that had been forced down for centuries finally forcing their way out of her eyes, sobbing “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry”-_

something important. Then, her eyes slid to Spinel, and gave her another smile. “I went to pieces in front of the soldier I was disciplining. Poor thing had no idea what was happening! Then I got reported, and that was the end of that. I ran… and I wound up here.”

There was a long silence as Agua Nueva returned her focus to her work, occasionally dipping her hands in the paint to refresh herself. Spinel was silent, thinking about what she had just heard.

“What about now? Are you happy, being here?”

Agua Nueva’s eyes widened in surprise. “Oh, of course! I wouldn’t trade the life I have here for anything! You can get down now, by the way.”

Spinel allowed herself to fall forward out of the handstand, landing gently on her round, pink shoes. She turned to give Agua Nueva a smile. “May I see?”

Agua Nueva gestured to her canvas with a rare grin. Spinel bounced over, peering over her shoulder.

Her likeness was… imperfect. The outline was splotchy, there was no face, and an onlooker with an experienced eye could tell the inexperience in the artists hands.

It was lovely.

Spinel slid her arms around Agua Nueva’s shoulders from behind. “I love it.”

Agua Nueva’s eyes lit up in that way that always entranced Spinel, her mouth curved in a smile that could light up the whole camp.

That smile was why, when the dawn came and Agua Nueva left on her mission, Spinel would watch her go, a pit in her stomach, fearing that she may not come back this time, and that the camp would be a little less lively and beautiful without her.

~/~/~

Peridot (Facet-MM881-Cut-5E3KZ) (or Perisnoot, as Spinel called her, thanks to the adorable placement of her Gem), was what some might call a workaholic.

The Rebellion’s resident tech expert would often sequester herself off to the side, her hands buried in an enormous, stolen pair of Tech-Gauntlets the Rebellion had swiped during a successful raid. She’d lay on her back on the beach, gauntlets above her, her bare feet buried in the sand beneath her.

Perisnoot had been forced to regenerate a century or two back, when she had first joined the Rebellion. She had forgone the standard full-body appearance modifiers for a simple leotard, enjoying the feel of the air and the world on her wrists and her ankles.

Spinel sat herself down next to the tech, staring amusedly at the enormous goggles the gauntlets were transmitting to. Perisnoot’s eyes were invisible behind the monstrosities, and she mumbled irritatedly to herself as she sorted through the data, her voice low and gravelly. The swiped goggles were poorly fitted to her face, thanks to her gem essentially being a flat wall against the curved nose rest. Spinel could see the green glow from inside the goggles leaking out of the bottom.

Mischief in her eyes, Spinel ran a single, venturing finger along the bottom of the shoeless Gem’s bare foot, eliciting a sudden harsh cackle as the Tech Gem lost her focus.

Perisnoot yanked the goggles from her face, revealing her lovely blue eyes to the jester. “ _Spinel!_ I told you not to sneak up on me like that!”

Spinel batted her eyes, a trick she knew from experience that Perisnoot was a sucker for. “Aww, you know you love me.”

Her clenched fists came unclenched as Perisnoot sighed, defeated. “Yeah… I do…”

Spinel reached out, pulling Perisnoot into a hug, planting a gentle kiss on her forehead. Perisnoot covered her face with her gauntlet-covered hands, making an adorably unintimidating gurgling noise.

Spinel hugged her friend close to her. “Take a break for a bit, whydontcha? Those gargles will still be there in five minutes.”

Perisnoot sighed, pulling the enormous gauntlets from her hands. “That’s what I’m afraid of.” She tossed the sturdy gloves to the side, where they landed with a resounding _KA-CHUNK._ “I don’t know what genius made these cumbersome abominations, but when the war is over, I will personally track them down and ensure they spend the next seven millennia scrubbing every floor on this planet.”

Spinel situated herself in the tall Gem’s lap, forcing her to lay back down, her head on Perisnoot’s stomach. “I know you will, Snooty.”

Spinel could almost hear the tech blushing. “I _told_ you to stop calling me that.”

Spinel grinned toothily, and stretched an arm upward and around to gently _Boop_ Perisnoot on the nose-gem. “I’ll stop doin’ it when you stop blushing.”

“I am _not_ blushing.”

“Mhm.” Spinel hummed, allowing her eyes to drift closed, relishing Perisnoot’s closeness. “Just like ya don’t blush when I…”

“Don’t.”

“Tell you…”

“Spinel, I’m warning you-“

“That I _loooooove_ your voice?”

Perisnoot’s faced flushed deeper, her head curling toward her shoulders. Her toes curled on either side of Spinel. “My voice sounds like two Topazes grinding their heads together and you know it.”

“You hush, you cutie.” Spinel booped Perisnoot on the nose again, causing another round of flustered mumbling.

Grinning, Spinel took Perisnoot’s hand in hers, carefully caressing her bare wrist with her thumb. “So whatcha been workin’ on so hard?”

Having recovered from her blushes, Perisnoot grinned mischievously. “Turns out those nimrods back on Homeworld never fully removed my access from the system! They just changed my password and called it a day, which,” she gave a proud scoff, “is pebble’s play for a master tech like myself to get past!”

Spinel chuckled in Perisnoot’s lap. “Nicely done!”

“I’m hoping to see if I can restrict their use of the Warp by rewriting the Galaxy Warp Code, but that will take some doing. In the meantime…” Perisnoot leaned close, and whispered. “I dug super deep, and I left a message buried at the bottom of the Galaxy Warp Code! It would take a code-cracking AI the likes of which Homeworld has never seen to find it!”

Spinel cracked an eye open. “What’s the message?”

Perisnoot covered her mouth, barely containing the hoarse giggles threatening to spill out. She leaned in toward Spinel’s ear, and the words she whispered caused Spinel to cackle like a hyena.

“ _Yellow Diamond Is A Butt.”_

~/~/~

There was no way around it.

Garnet. Was. _Mighty._

Rose’s General was so confident, so graceful, and oh, so _tall._

At first glance, she looked like a mess, her clothes a mishmash of colors, pinks and blues splotched together, like paint tossed on her from different directions. The one shoe, one bare foot look honestly didn’t help matters.

What _did_ help matters was her impossibly upright confidence and poise. That sense of “I’m the scariest Gem in the room, and I know it.” Her long, “I’ve been sent to murder White Diamond, get out of my way” stride.

Spinel sat cross-legged on top of a rock, watching the Fusion train. Her gauntlets, larger than usual, zipping back and forth with trained ease.

“You may.” Garnet said, unprompted.

Spinel blinked. “Buh-wha?”

Garnet paused. “Sorry. Future Vision.” She turned to Spinel, pointing a finger at her third eye.

“Ooohhhhhhhh.” Spinel nodded vigorously. “Can I ask the question anyway?”

Garnet smirked. “Go for it.”

“May I pay you a compliment, Garnet?”

Garnet nodded, still smiling. “You may.”

Spinel smiled, pointing at Garnet with her p… her finger furthest from her thumb. “Can I just say, I adore your hair? It’s very lovely.”

Garnet reached up and gently fluffed the blue-and-pink mass of curls that nestled around her head. “Thank you, Spinel.”

“Can I… can I ask you a really, really personal question?”

Garnet raised her left and center eyebrows as she approached. “Go ahead.”

Spinel gently took Garnet’s left and right hands, admiring her Gems. “What were Ruby and Sapphire like? They must have been amazing to make someone like you.”

Garnet chuckled, a deep and velvety sound. “There’s no Were about it. Ruby and Sapphire _Are_ amazing.”

Spinel ran a thumb over each Gem. “I don’t know much about Fusion. I know it’s a Thing, but that’s about it.”

Garnet sat down on the rock next to Spinel. “Fusion is… it’s literally indescribable. There’s nothing like it to compare it to. It’s a wonderful, beautiful rush of an Us becoming a singular, happy I.”

As Spinel hummed contemplatively, Garnet smiled at her. “Would you like to Fuse?”

“What? With who?”

“Me.”

"Oh!” Spinel’s voice cracked as she felt herself blush. “I, uh…”

Garnet raised a consoling hand. “You don’t have to say yes if you don’t want to. Fusion has to be consensual, at all times, on all sides.”

“Iiiiiii….” Spinel trailed off for a moment, looking deeply into Garnet’s eyes. “You have really beautiful eyes, Garnet.”

“Thank you.”

“I think… I think, yes. But not today. One day.”

Garnet smiled. “That’s fine. Whenever you think you’re ready, and if you never want to fuse, that’s fine too.”

~/~/~

Spinel focused her attention resolutely on the ocean’s horizon, trying very, very hard not to look in the beautiful eye of the Gem to her right.

Orange Spodumene was eight feet tall, with legs long enough to make Yellow Diamond’s neck jealous. Her blue-tinted hair was tied back in a loose bun, to keep her bangs out of her eye.

Her single eye, impossibly blue, which fixated on the jester with a half-lidded leer.

Spinel, despite herself, found herself stuttering. “S-s-so… how- how was that last mission?”

Orange Spodumene sighed. Her voice was tight and slightly nasally, like a curled-up spring ready to bounce away. “Suuuuuper boring. Six days of waiting for Homeworld troops to come by for five minutes of watching and listening.”

Orange Spodumene smiled. Spinel felt a familiar blush creep under her eyes as she felt her gently slide closer to her, their sides ever-so-slightly touching.

“I bet it would have been a lot less boring with _you_ there, Spinny.”

_-Don’t Do It Don’t Do It Don’t Do It Do It Do It Please Do It-_

Orange Spodumene grinned, as she pivoted herself slowly to the left. She ever-so-slowly stretched her legs over Spinel’s, a move she knew drove the Gem crazy. Her sandals dragged gently in the sand.

Spinel couldn’t take it anymore. She dropped her gaze downward to Orange Spodumene’s _(shapely, long, so so loooong)_ legs, draped over her own, her thigh just barely grazing Spinel’s gloved hand.

Spinel slowly felt a hand on her chin, gently turning her head to face Orange Spodumene, and as their eyes met, she took initiative.

Spinel’s neck darted forward, stealing a quick kiss from the tall Gem.

Orange Spodumene gasped in mock indignation. “Oh! You brute!”

Spinel grinned back. “That’s what you get fer bein’ such a tease!”

~/~/~

“…and the Zircon says to the Human, ‘Rectum? Darn near killed ‘em!’”

Bismuth laughed, that deep, hearty belly laugh that warmed Spinel more than the heat of the forge. Bismuth straightened up, leaning against her anvil for support. “You were right, that one _is_ funnier when you know about the human body!”

Spinel snapped into finger-guns from her position, hanging upside down by her knees from a long sword suspended from the forge’s ceiling. “I know explaining a joke is a crime, but if it still brings a laugh, I consider it a win!”

Bismuth, still chuckling, gave the axe on her anvil a few final whacks. “If I get a chance, remind me to tell you some of the Diamond jokes we Bismuths came up with. They’re a hoot.”

Spinel nodded, before freezing.

_Oh, right._

She cast her eyes downward, trying not to think about the bad memories.

“Aw geez, I’m sorry,” came Bismuth’s voice, filled with sympathy. Not bothering to meet her eyes, Spinel nodded. “It’s okay.”

As Spinel allowed herself to slide off of her perch and onto the floor, Bismuth plodded over, taking a familiar seat on the ground to her right. “I am so sorry. I know you and the Pink one were close.”

Spinel nodded. “Very.”

Bismuth remained silent, gently rubbing circles into Spinel’s back with her mighty hands.

Eventually, Spinel spoke again. “D’you ever think about forever? Like, really think about it?”

Bismuth shrugged. “Yeah, who doesn’t? It’s a heck of a prospect.”

Spinel leaned gently against Bismuth’s shoulder. “Bear with me a sec, will ya, cause I got kinda a roundabout point to make.”

“Okay.”

Spinel took a deep breath, an emotional reset. “That human that came through here a few months back, Patrin? We talked about the idea of families, and about forever. He told me a story about forever.

“Imagine a bird,” she continued. “A little bird, with a sharp little beak. And every thousand years, this little bird flies across the entire width of space, to a mountain, a mountain the size of ten planets. And she lands on the top, and sharpens her beak on it, and that big mountain is ground down just a teeny tiny bit. And then that bird flies back home, and doesn’t return for another thousand years. And when enough time has passed, when that little bird has ground that entire mountain down to the teeniest grains of sand, that’s when forever _begins._ ”

Spinel took another deep breath. “And when you have the right people in your life, the right people to love, that time will pass like nothing at all.”

Bismuth remained silent, listening closely.

Spinel slid a hand into Bismuth’s, still talking. “Once, so long ago… I had those people in my life. Pinky and Peeps… Pink Diamond, and her Pearl. Pink Pearl.”

Bismuth raised an eyebrow. “I heard about her. Not much, but I have heard of her. Didn’t she get shattered?”

Spinel’s shoulders shuddered. “That’s the thing. _I don’t know._ She and Pinky would always come to the Garden together, for centuries, but all that time passed like _that_.” Spinel snapped her fingers. “We’d all play together, and laugh together. Then one day… Peeps just stopped coming. And Pinky never mentioned her again, no matter how much I asked.

“Eventually, I think I figured it out. I stopped asking. And then…”

Spinel was silent for a long, long time. Eventually, she finally spoke again.

“And then Pinky left me there.”

Spinel squeezed Bismuth’s hand in hers. “She told me to stay there, and not move. And I didn’t. For 500 years. And those years, they just crawled by. So long, so quiet, so much nothing for so long…”

Bismuth drew Spinel into a hug. “Oh, Spinel… I’m so, so sorry.”

Spinel shook her head in Bismuth’s grasp. “No, it’s okay. Because without all that… and all the stuff that happened after Pinky took me back… I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t have found you guys.”

Spinel gave Bismuth a smile. “You told me that one day, I’d find those people, and wonder how I ever managed without them? Well, I found them. You guys found me, and the days are good again.”

She leaned her head against Bismuth’s chest. “So…thank you, Bizzy.”

Tears in her eyes, Bismuth hugged Spinel tightly.

Spinel chuckled. “Have I ever told you that you give really good hugs?”

Bismuth smiled. “Only a few thousand times.”

That night, after Spinel had gone back to the camp, Bismuth returned to the forge.

She lit the furnaces, and got the molten metal flowing again.

Over the course of a few hours, she sculpted.

Not a weapon, but a small statue.

Her hands worked gently and carefully. Smelt became arms, legs, features.

Eventually, as dawn rose, Bismuth stood back and looked at her work.

The likeness was crude, but the posing of the figure gave it away. It was a likeness of Pink Diamond’s mural, one of the four most recognizable images in the Empire.

Bismuth took a deep breath. Then, as quick as lightning, her arm shot out, having shifted into a sharp spear.

The statue was speared through the midsection, barely missing the fake gem. As the two sections fell to the floor, Bismuth’s hand shot upward, flattening, shifting from spear to hammer.

The hammer came down, reducing the statue to pieces, to fragments, to unrecognizable grains.

It didn’t make Bismuth feel better at all.

It. Wasn’t. _Fair._

~/~/~

_Spinel blinked._

_She wasn’t in the Rebel Camp anymore._

_Familiar plants grew around her, no longer overgrown, now trimmed and tidy. The stone path stretched before her, leading up to a Warp Pad atop a tall platform._

_She was back in the Garden._

_On a certain level, she knew this should bother her far more than it did._

_Things seemed… unreal, somehow. Slower. More muted._

_She glanced around._

_No sign of Pinky._

_That was okay. Spinel wasn’t sure she wanted to see her anyway._

_“?iT iS beautifuL, isn’T iT” A voice spoke from behind her._

_Spinel was suddenly facing the other way. She had no recollection of turning around._

_There she was. After all this time._

_Peeps._

_Pink Pearl._

_She stood there, balanced on her tiptoes. The right side of her face was a blur, impossible to make anything out past her nose. Her pink was too bright, as if she was glowing. Her smile was impossibly wide, as if her head were about to split in half._

_Behind her, a long shadow stretched, cast from an unseen light source. It’s head was the wrong silhouette, five long points instead of Peeps’s two buns on the side of her head._

_“It’s you…” Spinel breathed._

_“.yeS” the apparition spoke without moving her lips. Her voice was wrong… droning, flat, yet somehow also unevenly pitched._

_“What happened to you?”_

_“.yoU knoW” Peeps warbled._

_“Did…” Spinel swallowed, clenching her fists at her sides. “Did Pinky do this to you?”_

_“.yoU .knoW .thE .answeR.”_

Spinel awoke silently, tears still wet on her cheeks.

She sat up. The roar of the surf crashed in the distance.

Around her, the various Rebels who chose to sleep snored softly, lying draped over each other in a mishmash of limbs.

Outside, the soft chatter of the Rebels who chose not to sleep. The cool drift of night air.

It didn’t make sense.

_(Of course it does.)_

Pinky would never hurt Peeps like that.

_(She would never abandon you for 500 years, either.)_

Spinel growled softly to herself, clenching her hand around her other elbow.

Wiping her eyes, she lay back on the ground, staring up at the tent ceiling.

She glanced to the side, out the open tent flap. The moon hadn’t moved much from when she had laid down. The night was still young.

Spinel climbed to her feet, quietly clambering out of the tent. She stepped carefully, making sure to keep the squeaking of her shoes to a minimum.

The sand slid gently under her feet as she shuffled down the beach, toward the Temple set into the hill.

She stepped up into the Cave, the sound of the waves fading behind her. Spinel crossed over the Warp Pad to the Temple door, and gave a quick three raps on it with her knuckles. “Ding-dong,” she whispered to herself, unsure why.

With a soft pink glow, the door slid open to a familiar cloudy room. Rose Quartz, as beautiful and angelic as ever, stood in the doorway, a look of pleased surprise on her face. “Spinel! It’s good to see you!”

Spinel waved shyly. “Hiya, Rose. Can I come in?”

Rose stepped aside, gesturing into the Holodeck. “Please.”

Spinel stepped inside, feeling the cloud floor squish softly under her feet. It always smelled lovely in here, like an assortment of flowers.

Rose looked at her with an odd expression. Something… sad? Yet also hopeful? It was hard to pin down Rose’s moods sometimes. “What’s wrong, Spinel?”

Spinel smiled wanly. “Look… I just wanted to let you know somethin’.” Spinel took a deep breath. “I want to talk to Pink… Diamond.”

Rose froze. Her eyes flickered in a million different directions before she looked Spinel in the eyes. “Spinel, I… I don’t think that would be a very good idea.”

Spinel shook her head. “This isn’t me askin’ permission. This is a statement of intent. I’m going. First thing in the morning.”

Rose sat down on the puffy floor, putting herself at eye-level with Spinel. “Why would you want to do such a foolish thing? You’d be putting yourself in so much danger!”

“Look, Rose… I know Pinky. I know her better than you do. We go so far back. I… I think I might be able to talk some sense into her.”

“Spinel…”

“Rose, my mind’s made up.” Spinel took Rose’s hand in her own. “I get it, okay? I do, you’ve had this whole… this whole _thing_ going on against Pinky for centuries now. And I’ve heard the story from Garnet, you begged her to stop the colony and she wouldn’t. But… but Pinky _knows_ me. I think, if I just ask her to hear me out…”

Rose, now refusing to meet Spinel’s eyes, squeezed her hand back. “If there’s nothing I can say to convince you otherwise…”

Spinel shook her head. “There isn’t.”

Rose finally raised her gaze to meet Spinel’s, her eyes wet. “Just… just promise me, that you’ll be careful.”

Spinel nodded. “I promise.” Releasing Rose’s hand, she crossed back to the door, stopping on the threshold as it opened. “I’ll probably head out around dawn. If I walk long enough, I’m sure I’ll find a Homeworld soldier who will take me to her.”

Now allowing the tears to fall freely, Rose repeated. “Please be careful.”

“I will.”

The door closed behind Spinel.

Rose hugged herself, feeling so incredibly alone and small.

_They’d all be so better off without you._

_All you do is hurt people. It’s all a Diamond knows how to do._

_So get to it, then._

Rose allowed herself one last sob, before forcing herself to her feet and beginning a simulation in the Holodeck, as she tried to figure out a way to break her best friend’s heart once again.


End file.
